The Follies of Faith and Belief
A Bulletin (By Agasthya)
Whereas a solitary Miss Mayo came from arose the seas and gave a fragmentary and wholly inadequate description of the ailments of Mother India,
Whereas such inadequate diagnosis and consequent indifferent treatment has led to an intensification of the disease and have increased the sufferings of the holy Mother,
Whereas the hold of orthodoxy has been thereby strengthened and the horrid “sacrifices” to Mother Kali have increased and embittered her,
Whereas the immoral Code of Manu is still enforced as the law of the land,
Whereas the obscene stories of the Ramayana and the Mahabharata are still held up as moral precepts,
Whereas the enormities of the Puranas are still venerated and sanctified,
Whereas the intellectual growth of the people is dwarfed by primitive and superstitious teaching of the shastras,
Whereas Hindus celebrate the sanctity of the gods by providing them with wives, mistresses, alcoholic drinks and animal sacrifices,
Whereas abductions of women and adultery on the part of the gods are not only condoned but held up as praiseworthy conduct and advertised during festivals,
Whereas the inhumanity of the Saivaite “Saints” in causing the torture and impaling of Jains is approved of and commemorated every year,
Whereas idols made of stone, wood and metal are drawn through the streets in massive cars by thousands of men involving great loss of national time, energy and wealth,
Whereas such superstitions and revolting conduct is believed to conduce to better spiritual life leading to eternal bliss in heaven,
Whereas the millions are allowed to die of starvation while the few overfed Brahmins are surfeited with luxurious food,
Whereas the sowcars impoverish the people by the practice of legalized usury but are able to obtain spiritual benefit for themselves by spending a portion of their ill gotten wealth in feeding the Brahmins,
Whereas the children of the land get emaciated owing to dearth of milk while potsful of all the available milk in the country are poured over the stone images and wasted,
Whereas the masses of the people are allowed to go illiterate and grovel in disease while national wealth is squandered in the building and consecration of temples, Vedapatasalas and choultries which function only for the benefit of the Brahmins,
Whereas the excreta of cattle are swallowed by human beings in the hope of acquiring religious sanctity,
Whereas innocent, chaste girls are dedicated to gods and forced to lead a life of shame and become a menace to the physical and moral wellbeing of young men visiting temples,
Whereas a large section of people are treated as untouchables and unseeables,
Whereas the “sacred books” embodying the teachings of religion are not permitted to be read by people belonging to that religion, and dire punishments, both while on earth and in heaven, are threatened for infringement of this injunction enforcing the bar sinister,
Whereas nationalism serves as but a mask for self-aggrandisement of people who aid the religious exploitation by the whiteman,
Be it therefore declared as the will of the spirit of humanity still inhabiting this diseased motherland that whether Miss Mayo come from abroad or not for diagnosing the ailments of the Mother, there shall arise hereafter thousands of the sons and daughters of the Mother herself, who will have not only the wisdom to effect a correct and complete diagnosis of the disease but will have the courage to administer the radical remedies which the gravity of the ailment demands. The physicians to come will not mock the Mother as Miss Mayo did but will soothe her. They will not exploit the Mother as the Nationalists do, but they will befriend her.
Revolt, 23 January 1929
The Post Office (By S. Guruswami)
Anything under the sun is often divided into two kinds. And so also the post office. The two kinds of post office are the material and the spiritual. About the material one, even the villager in our country has some idea. It sells postal cards, envelops stamps etc. receives and pays money orders, packets, telegrams etc. This huge organization everywhere, came into existence only after the coming of the British. Grey hairs and pandits of our land often take pride in tracing back all new inventions, to our “good-old days”, and thereby draw a deep sigh of benevolent satisfaction. The existence of aero-planes even in the days of the Ramayana, is often proved by Indrajit’s fighting from the clouds. They are patriotic in the sense that they attribute all new things to our forefathers, who were, as they proudly tell us, acquainted with everything under the sun. Not only the vernacular pandits, but some of the so called research scholars also. This is the last recourse these “patriotic” heads resort to when the moderner complains about the harm of religious education being given to young minds.
Now, let me give another fact which will be of much help to people of this kind. That is the post office. Post office existed in India thousands of years before, and is existing even to day, though in smaller numbers. The purpose of these post offices is to see that the manes of the departed are prosperously situated in their heavenly homes. One community only is allowed to have the hereditary monopoly over the profession of postmasters, and that is the face-born. The Director General is the Sankaracharya, and his power is unquestionable. The rules and regulations are contained in the Vedas and Smrithis, and the working of the postal system is embodied in the system of Varnashrama Dharma. This spiritual post office, has no permanent building anywhere. There is not any limit in the amount to be paid for the transactions. Telegrams, money orders, packages, and even heavy goods are carried thousands of miles in a terrible speed, all without the mediation of railways or aero-planes, or wires, or carts. The kusha grass (dharpa) with its stipulated length of six inches, does wonderful work even in this Kaliyug! When any individual is dead, the post master, unlike the material one, arrives voluntarily, with a bundle of the dried grass. This powerful grass, though found in plenty, on the banks of rivers and lakes, has a peculiar fascination for the armpit of the spiritual postmaster, for only at his hands, can it effectively do the transacting business. The grass is mutilated and tied into knots, and then it becomes fit for the unique business.
First a single grass does the entire purpose of an asanam i.e. a seat for the performer of the obsequies. It carries to the homes of our departed, loads of rice, vegetables and cloth. Even liquids like oil, milk, curd, ghee, etc. are being carried carefully without being spilt. I ask, if the material post offices can do this? What a great heritage! At times, these post offices do what the ordinary ones cannot dream of. The 6 inches grass carries cows and calves to the high heavens. Sandals and umbrellas are safely delivered to our departed. But one thing that these spiritual post offices do not generally insist upon, is, they do not get acknowledgements from the recipients. This may be perhaps, due to the pressure of work. As regards the hours of business, transactions are made at any hour during day or night, but for the sake of people’s convenience the business is generally transacted during day time. All the post masters (honour to them) work voluntarily and honourarily. They receive nothing for their hard work. Their diaries, often in the shape of palmyra leaves, and their panchangam, very often torn to an appreciable degree, are their office records. The chief machinery of this huge organisation, the kusha grass is not the result of any laborious invention, but the generous gift of Mother Nature.
We know the foreigners would envy us for this possession. For, whereas they devote their life time for a single invention, we Hindus work more wonders at the least expense of our energy. Ye, westerners, there is no use envying us. You cannot compete with us, for, you should know, we are guided by bhoosuras, who are directly born, even today, from the face of Brahma. They are not human beings like you, who are too much materialized. They are spiritual ones, eating spiritual food, sleeping spiritual sleep, and living a spiritual life. Their code of Manu has said, “three years of continuous Kayatri Japa, will lift a Brahmin in the air. Let the Air Minister in England take note of this. Our Brahamins will begin to fly all on a sudden, without his license, and there is going to be a fall in commerce by air. Let me also warn all the westerners of the impending loss. Meanwhile honour to the inventors of the Dharpa, and honour to the Face-born!!!.
Revolt, 1 May 1929
The Camphor (A Dialogue) (By Miss. Gnanam)
(Mr. Thread and Mr. Threadless, two friends reading in the No-Use College, are returning from the temple. They talk of many things on the way, and suddenly the conversation takes a serious turn.)
Mr. Thread – That’s stupid! I want no more of your communal abuses. You say that whatever evil exists in the country, is due to the Brahmins. It’s simply absurd.
Mr. Threadless – Dear friend; no use losing your temper so soon. Whatever I say I have reasons to support. For example, you feel angry when I prove that the Brahmins are responsible for the evils of present day marriages. Now, let alone marriage: and take a smaller example, for instance, the use of camphor for worship.
Mr. Thread – (Subduing his anger and affecting a foolish smile) Eh! let me see how you prove this.
Mr. Threadless – My friend, so far as the pre-Sangam Tamil works are concerned, you should know there is no mention in any place of camphor having been used for worship. Perhaps in stray cases it might have been used for medicine. Even in later works, there is no rule specifically laid up, that camphor should be used for worship. And the Brahmins, I admit had the sole monopoly of education in those days.
Mr. Thread (interrupting), Ha! ha! Then – ?
Mr. Threadless – Don’t laugh, my dear friend. Mine is only an assumption. But you should see whether there is the possibility or not. The Brahmins with their cunning, acted as brokers with the Chinese, perhaps, and promised them to make India a sure and big market for camphor, in return for a big sum of money for the work of negotiation. And you see, there is the inevitable religion for the Brahmins to be handled.
Mr. Thread – No, no; That’s no good logic. Our community –
Mr. Threadless (interrupting), Yes, it is your community that has done this. Kindly hear what I say. Camphor was then introduced in religion, and made part and parcel of it. And the Non-Brahmins generally, you know, are still famous for their blind faith in religion. Naturally, China had a large sale, and the Non-Brahmins paid, while the Brahmins enjoyed. And the result is, my friend, crores of rupees are drained in the name of god. Now, do you see how the Brahmins are responsible?
Mr. Thread (working himself up to a fury) – Nonsense! This is no proof at all. Your argument is bad, and your judgment is rash. It is simply ridiculous that you people have developed this sort of genius for finding fault with Brahmins for everything. Enough of your logic. It is time for me to catch the train. You see, tomorrow is Deepavali, and I have to be at my father-in-law’s before daybreak. Let me have no more of your –
Mr. Threadless (interrupting) Ha! Here is another! (dragging him by the shirt) Only two minutes. You see Deepavali is another of the Brahminic evils. Letting alone the story and its harmful effects on us, do you know how the China crackers have found a place in the Deepavali festival?
Mr. Thread (sarcastically), Yes, Yes, by Brahmins. Is it not?
Mr. Threadless – Certainly! Not only the crackers, but every other luxury in the name of god and religion, is nothing but the creation of the selfish minded, ill intentioned, hypocritical brokers, the Brahmins. The sooner we get rid of –
Mr. Thread (interrupting and patting on his back) Dear friend, don’t be so furious in your words. And do not generalise your statements. There are exceptions, you should know.
Mr. Threadless (subduing his angry tone) – Yes Sir, such exceptions, we never use the despicable word, “Brahmins”. Goodbye!
Mr. Thread (with a fearful mien) Good by Sir!
Revolt, 5 June 1929
Fun and Fact (By Mr. Fountainpen)
Teacher: Balu, will you give an example to prove the cleverness in God’s creation?
Boy: Sir, the mere fact that God has endowed humanity with saliva with the fore knowledge of its use for affixing stamps and pasting envelopes, shows how He had foreseen the coming of post offices.
***
Kanti: Dear Mr. Mileya, How is your South Indian tour? Successful – eh?
Mileya: Not at all, Sir, you gave a new Varnashrama, and I gave a new Temple entry: and both of us are condemned there.
Kanti: I see… Did you try Rama’s name?
Mileya: Certainly, at Kottayam, It is the most tragic affair.
***
Englishman: Hello, Mr. Iyer! Are you quite safe? I suppose you are not very much affected by the S.R. agitation. Are you?
Iyer: Not so much Sir! Happily I have hired the Paval dog to bark upon my enemies. But I fear it will be enticed by shoes.
***
A Foreigner: (addressing a Muslim): What is that big crowd yonder in the river at this time of night?
Muslim: Sir, that is the assemblage of B.A.s, M.As, B.L.s, M.Ls, and L.Ts, who are preparing for their last bath for the Lunar eclipse.
Foreigner: (taking the Camera in his hand): Ha! Ha!! Here is a good scene for my Illustrated Weekly.
***
Match dealer: Alas! How is it the price of matches has suddenly gone down?
Press Reporter: Oh I see! It is because the Varnashramites have recently passed a resolution to boycott matches and produce fire from their own right hands. Woe to Japan! Woe to Sweden!!.
Revolt, 5 June 1929
